It’s like this: Life is an endless ocean. We’re all out here. Some of us have life jackets, some don’t. Some of us drown, some of us are barely treading water, and some of us, the lucky ones, find something to swim towards. Something to aim for that hopefully takes our minds off the infinite, dark abyss beneath us. What’s down there? You don’t know. But one day, sooner or later, you will find out. We all will. So what do you do in the meantime? You swim towards your island, whatever it is. Money, art, religion, whatever. The act of swimming makes your muscles lean and strong, and makes you less likely to drown. It also passes the time well. But if you have no island, if you’re just treading water without a direction, Then there’s little between you and the abyss.

Sometimes, in these moments, a person can come into our lives like a meteor from the sky. They could land before us in a blaze of glory, and they could become the new center of your focus. And suddenly, it seems like you have something (or someone) to swim towards. It’s a feeling I’m familiar with: If I can make this person a part of my life, I’d finally have something to stand on.

Here’s a simple truth: don’t make another person your island. A person is not an island. If we are ever to find dry land in this life, it has to come from below, and by that I mean it has to come from within. Whether it’s being content with where you are and finding your island in the here and now, or striving for some far off goal, (I think you can do both) the thing that is going to make you feel like you are no longer treading water is going to be something that emerges from your heart like an archipelago from the waves. It isn’t going to come crashing out of the sky. But if you pay attention to what's in front of you long enough, and well enough, you can find it.  

I’m not saying you’re alone. You can make your island big enough for other people, and you can build your island together with someone in a beautiful collaboration. Do it! That sounds amazing. Maybe the love you build together can be your island. It can absolutely be your family. But that's different from needing someone else to be the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning. I do believe to some extent we're responsible for our own happiness. Here's the ironic secret: the better you are at "finding your island", (knowing yourself) the better you can love the ones you love. The better you can care for your kids, your friends, your significant other. Because like you, they’re all out here in this wide open ocean trying to stay afloat. Don’t make it harder on someone by jumping on their back and asking them to carry you too. That’s not love. That’s just rude.