I always get stuck in traffic on the way home from the office. There’s an annoying bottleneck that always happens during rush hour and the lane gets backed up way, way far sometimes a half a mile or more. I always dutifully get in line at the back of the lane, patiently wait for the cars to move, and shake my fist at all the drivers who would drive up to the front of the lane and try and insert themselves in at the last minute. I always thought who do you think you are, cutting in front of everyone else like that? But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about when it’s okay to break the rules, and when it isn’t. I would see these people drive up to the front of the line, nudge their way in, and go along with zero repercussions. So I started to ask myself, are they in the wrong for not waiting in line, or am I a sucker for voluntarily waiting in line? Am I just resentful at the people who have the nerve to buck society’s rules, and think for themselves? Am I a sheep?

So today, I thought I’m going to be that guy. I drove up as far as my nerve would allow, and spotted a big dirty 18-wheeler that I could slide in front of. I pulled up close, turned on my blinker, and made it clear I wanted to merge. The 18 wheeler made it clear it didn’t want to let me in. Suddenly, the car in front of the big rig merged over into my lane. The perfect opportunity for an x-pass! (not a real thing, but don’t you love it when you and another car switch lanes at the same time? It’s like choreography!) So I took my opportunity. The big rig still didn’t want to let me in. But I wanted that space. The car in front swung into my lane, and I swung into his.

Or tried to, anyway. The big rig, still adamant that I would not be let in, gunned it, took up the space, and proceeded to side swipe my honda civic.

We both got out. We were both pissed. He was a white southern guy in his 40’s or 50’s. What you’d expect from a big rig driver. He said something about my “not waiting in line.” The damage was 100% on my car, 0% to his enormous truck. We glared at each other as we took pictures of each others’ drivers licenses. He asked if I wanted to call the cops, confident I was at fault. I'm no expert. In the court of public opinion, I still think he was the asshole, but in a court of law, I would have liked my chances less. It was 96 degrees outside. I said no, we don’t need to call the cops. Let’s just keep moving. I conceded that it might have been my bad. He said damn straight, but had cooled off slightly. We both got back into our vehicles and moved along. Total encounter was maybe 4 minutes. And in that time, I collected a verbal confrontation, an angry old southern guy, and some minor damage to the side of my car.

What’s the lesson here? Firstly, I should have picked my battle more carefully. I should have backed off and found another spot to merge when he made it clear he didn’t want to let me in.

Second, more importantly, I am not the ass who drives up to the top of the bottleneck and inserts himself. I am the person who gets in line early and waits patiently. It's not because I'm a sucker, or a sheep. It's because I don't buck social ettiquete the second it inconveniences me. To the old guy who I got into it with, you were kind of an asshole about it, you could have just let me in instead of gunning it, but so was I. So was I.